Aftermath
by Katief20
Summary: Kate's death has repercussions for all those she left behind. Nick's anger is driving away his closest family and friends and at the same time he is having trouble forming a bond with his daughter. Just as it seems nothing can be done a dramatic incident serves to show Nick that life can go on and he does have something left to live for.
1. Chapter 1

James Radcliffe was sat in the consulting room of the surgery in Aidensfield staring at the paperwork on his desk. It was the Partnership Agreement he and Kate Rowan had signed.

So much had changed. Only a couple of months into their new working relationship Kate had become pregnant, and inexplicably weeks after the arrival of her daughter Kate had succumbed to the leukaemia she had hidden through the latter part of her pregnancy for the sake of her child. Her immune system had been destroyed by the chemotherapy, she had no defence to the pneumonia which had ravaged her and ultimately led to her death.

After that, the fall out began. Nick Rowan's grief had turned to anger and the medical profession as a whole, from the unfortunate District Nurse Maggie Bolton to Kate's consultants and to James himself, had borne the brunt of it, Nick blaming them solely for not picking up on Kate's illness despite Kate's actions in concealing it in the first place.

Then of course there was Katie, Nick and Kate's daughter. Nick had initially fought to keep her with him even when threatened with the possibility of having her placed on a fostering agreement. Luckily the arrival of Kate's Aunt Eileen to help him with the child alleviated that.

But James was getting the impression from Maggie Bolton that all was not quite as it should be and oddly enough that morning Eileen had phoned asking if she could come and have a chat with him. He'd agreed to that and she was due any time, but beforehand James himself had something to tell Eileen, which he was also going to have to then tell Nick and he wasn't relishing the prospect.

He looked up sharply as there was a knock on the outer surgery door. That would be Eileen. Quickly James put the document in his desk and went to answer it.

"Hallo Eileen," he said pleasantly to the older woman standing on the step.

"Hallo James," she replied. "I hope this is a good time. Gina Ward is looking after Katie so I thought I would use the chance to come and speak to you."

"Come on in," he said. "I've got time to make us both a cup of tea. As it happens there's something I need to discuss with you as well so we may as well kill two birds with one stone."

Eileen sat down thankfully in his consulting room. She hated to admit it but she felt quite tired. She was as she would say herself no spring chicken and young babies are demanding things to look after.

"Are you all right Eileen?" James asked with some concern as he put a cup of tea in front of her. "You look tired."

"Oh Katie's had one or two bad nights," Eileen said with a smile. "I'd forgotten what's it like. After all I had no children of my own. In every way Kate was my daughter."

"Yes you brought her up as your own didn't you?"

"That's right. And now I'm bringing up her daughter. Full circle you might say."

James looked puzzled. "And Nick?"

Eileen sighed. "I hate to speak out of turn. But I'm worried."

"Look Eileen," said James, "don't take this the wrong way but Maggie Bolton has mentioned to me she has some concerns. Not over the way Katie is being looked after - you're doing a marvellous job Eileen - but over the way Nick is reacting to her."

"He's not reacting to her," Eileen said flatly, "and that is the problem."

James sat back in his chair. "Maggie put the idea of fostering to Nick and he wouldn't tolerate it not for a second."

"He wouldn't let her go because of his loyalty to Kate," Eileen said simply. "But he can't relate to Katie at all and I'm worried if things don't change, well- it won't bode well for the future. Katie needs all Nick has and more."

"So in the day to day run of things, how does he deal with Katie?"

"He'll come home from work and she'll be in her pram, or in her highchair and he ignores her. Completely. If I ask him to he'll feed her but only if I ask. The same with bathing her or putting her to bed. When he does those things its all just so mechanical like something he's doing as part of his job. In the night he will wake if she cries but again just has this mechanical way of doing things." Eileen stopped. "She needs more James."

He nodded. "Could it be things will improve with time. Nick's had a massive shock Eileen."

"Of course he has. But James I don't honestly think they will. He's shut off in so many ways. I- well, I've become reasonably friendly with Nick's Sergeant and he tells me Nick is the same at work. Gets the job done but its like it's something he just doing because he has to."

"I had no idea things were so bad. I've rather kept my distance I admit partly because I know Nick feels that I, the medical profession as a whole, let Kate down and I didn't want to antagonise him more"

"And of course you've had to sort things out here," Eileen said. She looked round her. "I can almost believe Kate is going to just walk in here.."

"Its just the most appalling tragedy." James leaned forward slightly. "Do you want me to speak to Nick, Eileen. See what I can do?"

"Would you?" Eileen paused. "If something isn't done, James, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a very drastic step."

"Which is?"

"I'm going to insist Katie comes with me and we go back to London. She needs love and care and I owe it to Kate to make sure she gets that."

James took a breath. "I can't disagree with you if things are as you say," he said. "But for Nick to lose first his wife, then his daughter.."

Eileen nodded "I know that James." She paused. "Kate would be devastated if she could see how things were."

James nodded. "So we have to do something don't we?" He sighed. "Well, I have to speak to Nick anyway so I may as well kill two birds. Eileen you need to know this as well. I'm giving up the Aidensfield practice. I'm going to concentrate on my practice covering the Whitby/Scarborough and Filey areas with an assistant, perhaps even two, assistants. I hate to do it, but if nothing else what has happened with Kate has reinforced to me that family is so important and I want more time with my children."

"Goodness." Eileen spoke lightly but she felt a jolt. "I can see your point James truly I can but, well, this place is Kate isn't it?" Then she shook her head. "No. I know what Kate would be saying. You have to look after the living. You're doing exactly the right thing."

"The surgery in Aidensfield won't vanish completely, a practice in Ashfordly is taking over the surgery building and running a branch surgery two days a week."

"You'll be missed in Aidensfield."

"You must call in whenever you're in Whitby." James sighed. "There's another issue of course. When Kate and I entered into partnership this surgery building and all the assets came to belong to the partnership. So as you know when Kate died they fell to me as the sole remaining partner. Of course I've now sold the premises. In a sense I feel I've profiteered somehow. That's why I feel I need to speak to Nick. Plus I think he has a right to know about all this."

"Don't feel guilt James," Eileen said gently. "None of us could ever have predicted what would happen - certainly not you and Kate when you signed that partnership agreement."

James was silent a moment then he said, "We had a lot of plans Kate and I." He looked wearily at Eileen. "Do you know I have wondered myself if we let her down. But she concealed her illness Eileen."

"I know, for Katie's sake." Eileen looked at him. "I think that's what Nick is struggling with, that Kate sacrificed her own welfare for the baby. But no one let her down James. You, least of all."


	2. Chapter 2

James went to speak to Nick a couple of days later and it was not something he was looking forward to.

Arriving at the Police House he saw Nick's motorbike in the yard. Taking a breath James knocked on the kitchen door. Nick himself opened it.

James thought he looked terrible. He had clearly lost weight and was looking tired and generally not on form.

"Nick." James kept his voice light. "I wondered if I could have a word."

"I'm just about to go out James. Is it a police matter?"

"Well no but it is quite urgent. I can come back later. But I will come back Nick - we need to talk."

Nick sighed recognising James was not going to go away. "Come in," he said stepping back so James could go into the kitchen. Nick did not invite James in any further and he did not ask him to sit down.

"Eileen about?" James asked.

"No, she's out, with Katie."

"Right." James indicated the kitchen table. "Shall we sit down?"

Reluctantly Nick sat down at the table with James.

"Nick, I'll come straight to the point." James paused. "Maggie Bolton has raised concerns."

"About?"

"Katie's welfare."

"I can't see why," Nick's tone was brittle. "There's no problem with how Katie is being looked after."

"By Eileen. Not by you."

"I'm a serving police officer," Nick retorted. "I can't look after a child full time which is why Eileen is here."

"To help you. Not bring up Katie for you."

"Is this all you've come for James?" Nick stood up irritated. "I think you should leave to be honest."

"Nick, there's no shame in admitting you're struggling," James said lightly.

Nick moved restlessly to the window, then turned back. "I think I'd prefer it if Maggie Bolton didn't come here any more," he said. "I'm not sure why she does to be honest."

"Because she has concerns!" James took a deep breath . "And not just for Katie its hardly fair on Eileen to let her bring up Katie alone."

"As I remember it she volunteered." Then Nick looked sharply at James. "Eileen's said something hasn't she?"

James stood up and faced Nick "Don't blame Eileen for any of this," he said. "She is genuinely worried for Katie's emotional wellbeing Nick." He paused. "Nick, are you sure the answer is having Katie living with you? Perhaps you need a break, just while you come to terms with things."

Nick looked back out of the window.

"How about Eileen take her to live with her for a while and then when you feel,stronger, you can re-think things?"

Nick stared at him incredulously. "Who's that suggestion come from James? Eileen? Maggie Bolton? The pair of them together?"

"Don't get angry with Eileen, Nick," James replied. "She's doing her very level best and she is not finding it easy. Struggling with the loss of Kate and at the same time trying to bring up a very young baby. And as for Maggie, she's doing her job. You know, she'd support you too if you let her."

Nick wearily sat back down at the kitchen table. After a moment or two, James joined him.

"How about it?" he said gently "Letting Eileen take Katie with her for a while. Would it help Nick?"

"Its one of the last things I promised Kate," Nick replied looking back at James. "To take care of Katie."

"Nick, there's taking care of her and being a father to her and at the moment you're doing a half hearted job of one and no job at all of the other." James sat back. "I do know Nick, I know damn well how hard it is. My two girls were not so old when their Mum left us and I had to be both mother and father to them. I had to. And if you can't do that Nick, and there's no shame in admitting you can't, maybe we need to rethink things. For Katie's sake."

For a few moments there was silence. "We don't have to make decisions today," James said gently. "Have a think about things though Nick. And don't be cross with Eileen. She is doing her best." James sighed. "There's something else I need to speak to you about Nick. The Aidensfield practice. I'm giving it up Nick. A surgery in Ashfordly is taking it over albeit not on a full time basis. Two days a week something like that. I'm going to be concentrating on my own practice in Whitby. I want more time with my family and I'm going to get a couple of assistants to help me so I can do precisely that."

"What happens to the surgery is none of my business, James," Nick said, tersely. "You must do what you think best."

"I think you had a right to know though Nick." James swallowed. "But that's not quite all. The ownership of the surgery has passed, well, been sold, to the Ashfordly practice."

Nick got up and moved back to the window. He turned back to James his expression giving nothing away. But his words indicated his feelings very clearly.

"Kate worked very hard to build up that practice after she took it over from Dr Ferrenby. Then you came along inviting her to form a group practice with you. Next thing she's working all hours, staying over in Whitby to cope with the workload. Which by the way nearly cost us our marriage." Nick took a deep breath. "And here we are and Kate's barely been gone five minutes and you've sold up in Aidensfield and made a tidy sum out of it which no doubt you'll be sinking into your own ship over in Whitby. Nice work!"

James was furious. "Nick," he said, standing up and facing him, "I know how it must look But you can't really think I'm somehow profiteering out of this!"

"What the hell am I supposed to think James?" Nick strode over to the kitchen door and flung it open. "Get out James. There's nothing left to say. Oh and tell Maggie Bolton I don't want to see her round here again any time soon either!" Nick took a breath. "And just in case there's any doubt, my daughter will be staying here with me!"

James walked to the door, turned back as if to say something then quietly left as Nick slammed the door shut behind him.

James thought briefly for a moment about walking straight back into the kitchen and putting facts right as it were but he knew it wouldn't do any good. He thought it best to let things calm down a little. So he began to walk down the path to the car. As he did so, Eileen arrived at the gate with Katie in her pram.

"James, hallo," she said pleasantly. Then she saw his face. "You've spoken to Nick."

"Yes. I am sorry Eileen. It went as badly as it possibly could. Especially when I told him about the new arrangements for the Aidensfield practice." James smiled wryly. "I think Nick's view is I've done very nicely out of all of this."

"Oh James." Eileen took a breath. "Well I'm sorry but this won't do. I'll speak to Nick."

"No. Honestly Eileen I think its best left. He's in no mood to listen to anyone. I am sorry though. I think I may have dropped you in it rather."

"Its fine James." Eileen looked sadly at the baby in her pram. "I don't mind at all for myself. But its this little one I'm worried about."

James bit his lip. He nodded toward the Police House. "Will you be all right?" he asked.

"Of course. Don't worry James. About any of this."

He went off down the path. Leaving Katie in her pram by the door Eileen let herself into the Police House. Nick was standing by the kitchen window. He glanced round as she came in.

"Where's Katie?" he asked sharply.

"Just out by the door in her pram." Eileen took a breath. "I saw James outside just now."

Nick sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. Eileen after a moment joined him.

"I'm not angry with you for speaking to James," Nick said. "I know you only have Katie's interests at heart."

"And yours too Nick," Eileen said quietly. "That's why I suggested maybe taking her to London with me for a while. To give you some breathing space." She paused. "Nick, about the other matter. The surgery. James would never see Kate's death as an opportunity to profit you must know that. I think this is more that you are angry with him about Kate's illness not being picked up on but you know as well as I that Kate hid her illness. And I think Nick this is what is hurting you most isn't it? That Kate made the decision so the baby could have every chance?"

Nick moved past her and picked up his greatcoat. "I need to go - I'm late." He went out not even glancing at his daughter in her pram. Wearily Eileen put her head in her hands. How could things ever get better?


	3. Chapter 3

Nick headed off to attend to the callout he had had that morning. Mrs Rowley - again. She was in her late eighties, alone now since her husband had died a year ago. But this was not the first call out Nick had had to her lonely cottage. There were repeated calls about reports of someone trying to "drive her out of her cottage" by banging on windows and doors, tipping up her bins and so on. One night Nick had even staked out by the cottage with the old lady's knowledge and the next day the old lady had reported someone trying to get in even though Nick had heard and saw nothing. Added to that her general frailty, the fact she had been taking goods without payment in the local shops without being aware of it, the general conclusion was she was losing her faculties. Mrs Rowley had a daughter in Whitby and the daughter wanted her Mum to go and live with her but Mrs Rowley was so far proving resistant to this.

The whole situation needed rather careful handling but Nick was in no mood for this. All the way over to Mrs Rowley's cottage Nick's mind was on anything but the job, rather, his own personal conflicts. He pulled the bike up outside her house and wearily got off it. As he took off his gloves Mrs Rowley came hurrying out.

"Oh I thought you'd be here sooner than this," she said.

"What is it this time, Mrs Rowley?" Nick's tone was impatient.

"Well its me bins again Mr Rowan. Turned right over in the middle of the night."

"Shall we take a look?"

He walked round to the rear of the cottage the old lady struggling to keep up with him. It was clear looking at the bins, they had been blown over and then some animal, probably fox, had got in them and dragged the rubbish every which way.

Normally Nick would have reassured the elderly lady, got her a cup of tea, cleared up the mess and then reported in to Maggie Bolton for her to go up and see she was all right.

Today, he lost patience.

"When's this going to stop Mrs Rowley? You do know its wasting police time don't you? Calling me out for no reason? You could get in serious trouble!"

The old lady's hands flew to her face. "Well, I didn't know, I thought-"

"Add in the fact that you've been stealing from the shop in the village. You know I've been turning a blind eye to that but I can't go on doing it. These are serious charges!"

Maggie Bolton had arrived at the cottage unseen as part of her daily rounds. As she came up the path she could barely believe what she was hearing and raced round to the rear of the cottage

"Please - I - I don't mean to make things up - I was scared, I thought someone were creeping around in the dark, like."

"Of course you don't Mrs Rowley," Maggie said soothingly putting a reassuring arm round the elderly lady. She glared angrily at Nick. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm doing my job," Nick said coldly. "Maybe if you did yours I wouldn't be having my time wasted like this."

"How dare you!" Maggie fought back her temper, her concern for the old lady over riding this. "Come on Mrs Rowley, lets get you inside, shall we? Come on now."

"Am I in trouble?"

"You're not," Maggie said meaningfully.

As Nick went back to the bike and got back on it, he hesitated before pulling on his gloves feeling the stirring of conscience. He knew he had been out of line. If he had any doubts Maggie Bolton made his mind up for him. Marching down the path she gave him a piece of her mind.

"In there is a very confused, frightened, elderly lady," she snapped. "Do you actually feel better now for bullying her."

"She has been phoning day after day," Nick retorted. "She is convinced someone is hanging around the house. Do you know I even spent the night up here once - there was nothing - but yeah, she was phoning me again the next day saying someone had tried to break in?"

"I am working with her family to persuade her to move to live with her daughter," Maggie went on. "So I am doing my job thank you Constable Rowan. More than you seem to be doing yours at the moment."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"You don't think I can just pass up what I've seen do you? I'm sorry but I will have to report this to Sergeant Blaketon."

Nick kicked the bike into gear. "You know something," he said, "I'm not even sure I care."

* * *

Over at the station in Ashfordly all was quiet, Constables Ventress and Bellamy working peacefully at their desks. Sergeant Blaketon's door opened with such force it actually bounced on its hinges.

The two Constables looked at each other startled then straightened up as Blaketon pretty well stormed down the corridor into the duty room.

"Ventress! Find our Constable Rowan and get him over here, as of yesterday!"

"Er- yes Sarge." Quickly Alf went off to use the radio. Blaketon looked at Phil.

"The minute he shows his face in here I want him in my office!" He marched back into his office the door slamming behind him.

Phil looked startled at Alf as he came back to his desk.

"What the hell was that all about?" he asked.

"No idea but the road Nick's been recently I'm not surprised."

"Oh come on Alf. Be fair. Its not that long since he lost Kate."

"I know that!" Alf replied. "But it wouldn't surprise me if someone hasn't made a Complaint."

Nick was at the station within half an hour having a very good idea what he had been called in for. He was feeling pretty uncomfortable with how he had been earlier and knew he was probably in for a serious dressing down from Blaketon. It wasn't proving to be one of Nick's finer days.

Alf and Phil looked up warily as Nick came in.

"All right Nick," Alf said, "Blaketon wants yer."

"Know what its about Nick?" Phil asked.

Nick shrugged and headed off down to Blaketon's office. The door shut behind him.

"Not going to listen at t'door Alf?" Phil asked.

"I reckon we'll hear plenty down here," Alf replied comfortably.

Nick stood in front of Blaketon's desk. His Sergeant continued to peruse the document in front of him before finally he took his glasses off and looked up at Nick.

"Well Rowan. Have you any idea of why I wanted you in here?"

"No Sarge. Well, yeah, might do Sarge."

"Might do? Have you upset that many of the great British Public you're not actually sure why you're in here?"

"No Sarge." Nick sighed. "Is this to do with Maggie Bolton Sarge."

"No Rowan. This is to do with you bullying frightened, elderly, confused old ladies. Nurse Bolton was simply incensed enough to phone me personally to tell me about it."

"There's more to it than that Sarge. You've seen the number of times Mrs Rowley has called me out."

"Do you think the appropriate way to deal with ladies like her is to threaten to book them? Do you really Rowan? Because if you do, you've no business wearing that uniform!"

Nick looked sharply at Blaketon. "You're not suspending me?"

"Oh that got through did it? Well its not just this business is it? I've given you an awful lot of rope Rowan. In the circumstances. But right now I'm not sure you're up to the job."

"All right Sarge. I'll apologise to Mrs Rowley."

"You'll keep well away!"

"Well, Maggie Bolton then."

"Look Rowan." Blaketon's voice was softer. "I do have some sympathy yer know. You're having a bad time of it. But if you only let folk as want to help you do just that you'd be a lot better off."

"Today was just a bad day, Sarge. I'd had some news that threw me off a bit"

Blaketon raised an eyebrow. "If its affecting your job I should know about it."

"James Radcliffe is, well has, sold up the practice in Aidensfield. He's concentrating on his practice over in Whitby."

"Tell you that himself did he?"

Nick nodded miserably.

Blaketon nodded at the chair in front of his desk. "Sit down"

Surprised, Nick did as he was told

"And what did you say to him?"

"I accused him of profiteering," Nick admitted. "You see the surgery building in Aidensfield fell to him as the sole suriving partner when Kate died and he's sold that to this practice in Ashfordly who will run the Aidensfield surgery two days a week."

There was silence for a moment.

"And anything else?"

"Eileen wants to take Katie to London with her. She says Katie needs more than what I can give her right now."

Blaketon sat back in his chair "By heck Rowan," he said, "you don't do things by halves do you?"

"So that's why you can't suspend me Sarge," Nick said desperately. "Or put me on leave, whatever. This is about the only thing I'm getting right at the moment. Well not getting right exactly but I'll sort it Sarge."

"Look lad," Blaketon said gently, "you'd do a lot better if you saw the world a bit different. People are only trying to help you, you're just pushing them away. Eileen would never dream of taking the bairn away unless she was really worried. You must know that. And you've blamed Dr Radcliffe and Nurse Bolton too if we're being honest for Kate's death - you know its not how it was."

Nick nodded.

"Put things right Rowan," Blaketon said. "Put it right before its too late and you really do lose everything."


	4. Chapter 4

Back at the Police House Maggie Bolton was sat at the kitchen table. She quickly drained the cup of tea in front of her. Sitting opposite her, Eileen smiled despite herself.

"Where's the fire?" she asked her "You'll give yourself indigestion!"

"Sorry Eileen," Maggie replied. "I really don't want to be sitting here when Nick gets home that's all."

Eileen put a hand on Maggie's. "Thank you for bringing me up to date with things," she said. "And don't feel bad about phoning Sergeant Blaketon."

"I do a bit," Maggie admitted. "But poor Mrs Rowley was so distressed Eileen, I felt I had to. The only good thing about it is, her memory is so poor she may well have forgotten about it tomorrow! Anyway her daughter is there now and she is going to insist this time her Mum goes with her to Whitby for a while. So no harm done."

"Not this time."

"Its all a bit of a mess isn't it?" Maggie said quietly. She looked over at the baby in her pram. "Would you really take her Eileen? If Nick said you could."

"Without question." Eileen sighed. "It was not what I thought I'd be even thinking of doing when I came up here! But Nick is so distant from Katie, it can't possibly be allowed to go on."

"No," Maggie said sadly. "And of course Nick wouldn't be giving her up forever. But maybe some time for him to come to terms with his own feelings is what's needed. When he's feeling stronger himself, he might then be better placed to give Katie what she needs."

Eileen nodded. "I just wish I could see another way round it," she said.

"There would be if only Nick would let us help him. Just talking about how he feels would help." Maggie sighed, got up and pulled on her coat. "Well I'll be off Eileen. If you need some sanctuary later call round at my cottage."

"Thanks Maggie." Eileen frowned. "I hope Oscar Blaketon wasn't too hard on Nick. I'm sorry Maggie, I don't mean to make you feel guilty. You did absolutely the right thing. What else could you have done?"

Maggie paused for a moment as she got her things together. "I think what hit me the most was - it just wasn't Nick you know Eileen? How he was behaving and speaking to poor old Mrs Rowley." She sighed. "See you later."

* * *

Maggie hadn't been gone long when Nick's motorbike pulled into the yard. Looking through the kitchen window Eileen noted the weariness with which he came up the path. He came in through the kitchen door. Sadly Eileen noted how he made no effort to even look in at the pram or engage with the baby at all.

As he took off his greatcoat Eileen said, "Nick, I know all about it. Maggie Bolton told me. She didn't want to phone Sergeant Blaketon, but she felt she had to."

"Its fine Eileen. She was probably right to."

That was unexpected.

"Was Sergeant Blaketon very angry?"

"It was all right. I've had worse from him. Did Maggie say how Mrs Rowley was?"

"A little upset and confused maybe but like Maggie said, her memory is so poor she will have probably forgotten it by tomorrow. And her daughter has taken her off to Whitby now so you won't get any more calls."

"Its fine. I shouldn't have spoken to her like that."

"Well, you've been under a lot of strain Nick."

"Its no excuse Eileen and you know it." Nick sat down at the kitchen table. Eileen sat opposite him.

"Nick - shall I take Katie for awhile? You can come and visit any time you want and if you think later you want her back with you, that's fine. It would only be a temporary thing and it might ease some of the pressure for you."

"I can't let her go Eileen. I promised Kate."

"Nick." Eileen took a breath. "Do you love Katie?"

There was a moment's silence. Then -

"I care for her. I would never let any harm come to her. But I don't know if I love her Eileen. That's bad isn't it? She's my daughter after all."

"Do you blame her for what happened? Without realising it maybe?"

"No. I mean Kate would have got ill anyway I know that. But if she hadn't been pregnant Eileen she would never have hidden it and she would have got treatment sooner."

"Nick - I'm not sure that would have made any difference. In the end. And you know when it did come out and they knew about it, well, Kate couldn't have had better care from the doctors. Including James Radcliffe and Maggie Bolton."

"I promised Kate, Eileen. I said Katie would always come first. I said I'd give her double love for both of us." Nick ran a hand over his eyes. "Its all a complete mess. Blaketon said I needed to sort it out and he's right. I just wish I knew how to start."

They both jumped violently as the phone rang.

"I'll get it," Eileen said, getting up. "If its police business I'll ask them to phone Ashfordly."

"No. No, I'll deal with it." Nick moved past her to go into the small office to pick up the phone.

She heard him speaking in low tones but did not hear precisely what he said. Moving to the door she saw Nick put the phone down and then redial through to Ashfordly.

"Phil? Phil its Nick Rowan. Listen. I've had a call through to say some chap is standing on the parapet of the railway bridge at Linney Lane. He's threatening to jump. I'm going over there now, send me some back up would you? Oh and would you let Dr Radcliffe know - we'll need him out there or another doctor if he's not available."

As Nick put the phone down, Eileen stepped forward "Let Ashfordly deal with it Nick," she said. "Things here are more important."

He glanced at her and just at that moment the baby began to cry. Nick looked past Eileen at the pram and for a moment Eileen thought he was going to pick the baby up. But it was as if Nick made some conscious decision. He pulled on his greatcoat and without a look back, left the house.

Eileen went to the pram and picked up the baby who stopped crying, instantly. "All right little one," Eileen said to her. "You deserve and need so much more than this. And I'll make sure you get it, don't you worry."

* * *

Back at Ashfordly Station Phil relayed the details of the call to Sergeant Blaketon as Alf Ventress phoned for assistance.

"Chap threatening to jump off t'bridge at Linney Lane," Phil said succintly. "Nick Rowan's on his way over, and we're getting some medical help an' all. Although if he does jump I reckon it'll be an undertaker he'll want not a doctor. Happen we should put Bernie Scripps on the job an' all."

"Pull Rowan off," Blaketon snapped ignoring the remainder of Phil's comment.

"Sarge?"

"Frame of mind he's in, he'll be encouraging our chap to jump never mind talking him out of it!" Blaketon said brusquely.

Phil looked startled at Alf but Alf was already making the radio call.

"Can't raise him Sarge. Must be out of range."

Blaketon grabbed for his greatcoat. "Bellamy! Get that car round to the front door. Happen we can just about get there before Rowan does too much damage!"


	5. Chapter 5

Phil drove the Panda car over to the scene as fast as he dared, with Blaketon in the passenger seat. But Phil was disconcerted by his Sergeant's words just before they had set off. He glanced across quickly at Blaketon noting the Sergeant's grim expression.

"Sarge, you don't really think Nick's a bit of a liability at the moment do you?" he asked.

"Watch out!" his Sergeant yelled as a large sheep ambled across the road. Phil braked heavily. He sat back in the driving seat somewhat shaken.

"It would appear Pc Rowan isn't the only liability round here at the moment Bellamy!" Blaketon crossly adjusted his cap which had slid over his eyes.

"Yes Sarge." Phil took a moment to get himself together then set off again paying more attention to his driving this time.

"As to what you've just asked me, I think our PC Rowan needs a bit of help at the moment," Blaketon replied.

"I want to be a mate to him Sarge, but he doesn't seem to want anyone near him," Phil said.

"Not right now, happen," Blaketon said quietly. "But he will, lad."

* * *

Nick genuinely had been out of range and so hadn't got Alf's calls. The area around Linney Lane perhaps because it was quite a high exposed spot on the moor was not great for radio reception.

Nick swung in the motor bike at the mouth of the arched railway bridge and saw instantly the man standing on the parapet of the bridge - on the wrong side. He was facing outwards so had his back to Nick. He was gripping the bridge wall at the moment but his position was highly precarious.

A farm van was pulled up also and one of the local farmers Tom Haines was standing next to it.

"You phoned Tom didn't you?" Nick asked him.

"Aye. Was just coming up here and saw him, like. Couldn't persuade silly beggar to come over to the right side of the bridge so phoned you lot. Don't know his name or owt. He won't talk to me."

Nick nodded. "Well I've got back up coming and the trains have been held whilst we sort it. I'll see if I can persuade him to change his mind."

He stepped forward onto the bridge. The man looked round wildly at him."No closer than that!"

"All right that's fine." Nick quietly took off his helmet and gloves putting them down on the ground at the same time glancing closely at the man. He thought him to be about late twenties no more.

"If I promise to come no nearer," Nick said, "will you come onto the right side of the bridge so we can have a chat?"

"Nothing to say."

"Well I think you have. You're about to make a pretty final decision there, so I think you should at least talk it through. Look, my name's Nick, Nick Rowan. You could tell me your name at least."

The man thought for a moment. "Jack."

"What's your full name Jack?"

"Jack Bailey."

"Okay Jack. Well done." Nick paused. "Will you come onto the right side of the bridge for me? I promise no one will rush you or try to grab you."

Suddenly Jack looked up as he heard sirens and approaching vehicles.

"Its all right," Nick reassured him. "I had to bring back up with me. Its how we do things. But no one will come any closer than this. Can I tell my colleagues your name? Is that all right?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess so."

Nick glanced over his shoulder as Blaketon and Phil got out of their car.

"This is Jack, Jack Bailey," he said quietly. "I'm just trying to see if he will come this side of the bridge for us so we can talk."

"All right lad," Blaketon said relieved that Nick at any rate had not made matters worse. "We'll take over."

Nick looked startled but then he supposed he could understand why Blaketon thought he was ill-equipped to manage a difficult, emotional highly volatile situation. It was just another indication of how much he had been messing things up recently both at home and at work. Feeling disappointed with himself he turned to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Jack shouted to him.

"You can speak to me," Blaketon called back stepping forward. "We'll have a chat and sort things out shall we?"

"No. I'll talk to him - Nick he said his name was. No one else."

"I'm fine with that Sarge," Nick said.

"Well I'm not." Blaketon took a breath. "Do you think you're fit for this Rowan?"

"Come on Sarge," Phil put in, somewhat bravely. "Nick was doing all right before we got here!"

Blaketon thought for a minute then nodded tersely. "All right but if I'm not happy at any point Rowan I'll pull you off."

"Sarge."

Nick stepped forward again as James Radcliffe's vehicle pulled in. Blaketon went over to meet him.

"Chap here - name of Jack Bailey. Bellamy is going to radio the name in see if we can get anything on him that might explain this. He'll only speak to Nick Rowan at the moment unfortunately."

James looked at Blaketon sharply.

"Aye I know. Its not ideal is it? But I don't have much choice do I?" Blaketon indicated the man still standing precariously on the ledge.

"Are the trains stopped?" James asked urgently.

Blaketon gave him a withering glance.

"Sorry Sergeant," James said meekly.

Nick had moved back to the point he was standing at before. No closer.

"All right Jack," he said calmly."So just whilst we're talking will you come over to the right side of the bridge?"

"You'll trick me. You'll rush me the moment I'm on the right side."

"It wouldn't do any good. You could be over there before I even got near you."

The man thought for a moment then twisted himself so he was facing the right way and climbed over the bridge wall. He remained sitting on it but facing Nick and in a slightly less precarious position than before.

"Well done," Nick said. "All right. Now do you want to tell me what this is about?"

"I have no choice, there's nothing to live for."

"Are you sure?"

"This was our favourite spot," Jack said in dull tones.

"Who's that Jack? Wife? Girlfriend?"

"My wife. Carol." Jack looked over at Nick. "She died."

"I'm sorry," Nick said gently. "Recently?"

"Three months ago."

Blaketon looked at Dr Radcliffe.

"I think this is too close to home," he muttered softly.

"I know but at least Nick's persuaded him to come onto this side of the bridge. If we step in now we could just make things worse"

Nick said to Jack, "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"She crashed her car. Coming home from her mother's. She had been to see her with our daughter."

"Your daughter was in the car too?"

"Laura, yes she was."

"Was she hurt as well?" Nick spoke gently trying to keep emotion out of his voice.

"Only slightly. She was in her baby basket - she was only two months old - and it protected her you see. Hardly a scratch on her."

"And where's Laura now?"

"At home with her grandmother."

"Jack, if you do this now, who will look after Laura? She'll have no one"

"Her grandparents will take care of her. She doesn't need me."

"If you think that Jack, you're very wrong."

"What the hell would you know about it?"

Blaketon stepped forward. "I'm stopping this!"

But James Radcliffe put out a hand. "No," he said quietly. "Not yet anyway."

Nick took a deep breath. "More than you realise," he said.

Jack shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"I've got a young baby at home too," Nick replied. "Her mum died not long after she was born. She was ill, very ill whilst she was pregnant and she kept her illness to herself to give the baby every chance. And not long after our daughter's birth, she died."

"How do you keep going? How can you stand it?"

"The truth is," Nick admitted wryly, "I've been making a mess of things. I've been struggling to love my daughter, driving everyone close to me away and making a pretty good mess of the job as well. To the point that when my Sergeant over there arrived he didn't want me to go on talking to you as he doesn't think I'm up to it right now."

Jack suddenly gave Nick a slight but encouraging smile. "You're not doing so bad. If that helps. You've got me on this side of the bridge haven't you?"

"I'm glad I've helped you Jack. You've helped me in a way, you know. Standing here talking to you and trying to persuade you life is worth going on with has made me see a few things differently. And I'd really like it Jack if you'd come with me now and then I can go home and start putting right some of the damage I've done."

"I'll be in trouble though won't I?" Jack shook his head. "I don't know what came over me, I just came up here to have a drive out and get some space and then next thing I was just there, standing there like that. I could have done it, you know, I could have jumped and, oh God, how could I ever have thought of doing that to Laura?"

"All right, Jack. Its going to be all right," Nick said soothingly. "As for trouble, well I don't think you'll be in trouble from our point of view, but it may be worth getting some medical help. Just so we don't ever end up in this situation again." He took a breath. " Will you come with me, please?"

Everyone around gave a collective sigh of relief as Jack walked slowly towards Nick and Nick took the man's arm leading him off the bridge to safety. James Radcliffe stepped forward

"Well done Nick," he said quietly. "I'll take it from here. There's an ambulance on its way over."

Nick stepped back but as he did so, Jack looked over at Nick. "Thanks," he said. "I - I don't know what I was thinking of -"

"Don't worry," Nick said. "You'll be fine. Good luck."

He turned round as Sergeant Blaketon came up to him. "Well done lad," he said. "I owe you a bit of an apology for doubting you."

"Its fine Sarge. I can understand why."Nick paused "Look, I know I should go back to Ashfordly and finish my report but - well, I think I need to go home Sarge. I've got some stuff to sort out."

"We'll sort everything out Nick," Phil said then glanced hastily at Blaketon. "If that's all right Sarge."

"Aye." Blaketon looked keenly at Nick. "You get yourself home lad. That's your priority right now."

As Nick walked back to the bike, Phil said, "Sarge? Is he going to be all right do you reckon?"

"Aye lad. Happen he is."


	6. Chapter 6

As he was about to get on the motor bike Nick noticed Maggie Bolton's Land Rover standing a little way down the road. As he watched, the ambulance with Jack Bailey inside pulled away and James Radcliffe went to speak to Maggie.

It seemd as good a time as any. Taking a breath, Nick walked over to them.

"I'm going to follow the ambulance to the hospital Nick," James said, speaking warily as he tried to work out Nick's mood. "But for what its worth Mr Bailey seems rational and calm. I honestly think this was probably no more than a moment of madness. With some help he should be fine. You should be proud of yourself. You've done well."

Nick nodded abstractedly.

"Well," Maggie said. "I'll go now. I just thought I'd pull in to see if I could be of any help."

"Thanks Maggie," James replied.

"Wait a minute," Nick said suddenly.

They both turned to look at him.

"Sorry seems so inadequate," Nick said. "But I do owe you an apology. Both of you."

The pair looked at each other then relaxed visibly.

"There's no need to apologise Nick," Maggie said gently.

"No? I think there is." Nick paused. "All I can say is that, well, how I've been recently I knew it wasn't right and deep down I knew you weren't to blame, any of you, what happened. I suppose I felt I had to blame someone." He stopped.

"Grief does strange things to you," James said. "I wouldn't give yourself too hard a time Nick."

"I just couldnt see past what had happened or make any sense of it all. But talking to Jack back there, persuading him he had a life worth living for - it made me see things differently I suppose."

"I'm glad Nick. And I'm glad that we've been able to have this conversation," James said. "You know, there's hardly a day goes by when I don't look back and think, should I have spotted something - with Kate I mean."

Nick looked at him levelly. " No James. She hid things from you. She made a choice, a brave choice, but she put Katie first, before anything.. And even if we had known earlier something was wrong things wouldn't have been any different would they?"

"Probably not, Nick, no. I'm sorry."

Nick sighed. "There's the other matter James. The practice. I think you've done the right thing. You have to put your family first. I wish I could take back the things I said to you about that. But I can't."

"It means a lot to me Nick that we've mended fences," James replied. "You know, I suppose we won't see as much of each other when I'm not in Aidensfield on a daily basis but you will keep in touch won't you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."

James looked at Maggie who nodded. James turned back to Nick and went on, "And Katie, Nick?"

"I'm going home now to put things right there." Nick looked anxious. "Have I left it too late?"

"Not at all," Maggie said reassuringly. "She's a lovely little girl, Nick."

Nick looked troubled. "Just before I came out here, to this call out I was speaking with Eileen. And she asked me if I loved Katie. I- I couldn't answer because I wasn't sure."

Maggie smiled. "But you are now and you know what Nick? I never doubted it. Now go on - get yourself home to her."

James and Maggie watched as Nick got on the motorbike, kicked it into gear and set off to Aidensfield. Maggie looked at James.

"That means a lot to you doesn't it?" she asked.

He nodded. "More than you could ever know," he admitted.

* * *

Eileen had had a call from Alf Ventress who had given her a very brief outline of events. That Nick had persuaded a chap from jumping off the bridge at Linney Lane and had proven himself something of the hero of the hour. But Eileen was angry. As far as she could see that emergency could have been handled perfectly well by Ashfordly. Nick had walked away again from confronting his own difficulties and his struggles to bond with his daughter. This couldn't be ignored any longer.

She was upstairs when she heard Nick's motorbike in the yard outside. At the same time she heard the baby in her pram in the kitchen whimper a little. Sighing, Eileen went to go downstairs to attend to her.

She heard the kitchen door open and close as Nick came in. A second or two later the baby stopped whimpering. As Eileen came into the kitchen she saw that Nick had scooped her out of her pram and was holding and soothing her. He hadn't even bothered taking off his greatcoat.

This was such a change about that Eileen stopped in her tracks. Recovering herself she said "I had a call from Alf Ventress. He told me what happened."

Nick nodded, sitting himself down at the kitchen table, still holding his daughter. He looked down at her but spoke to Eileen.

"You asked me if I loved her and I struggled to answer." He looked over at Eileen. "I do love her Eileen. I didn't know it, but I do."

Eileen sat down opposite him.

"That chap who was threatening to jump off the viaduct. He was in a mess as his wife had died a few months ago. He had a daughter at home, a young baby." Nick paused. "I talked him out of jumping by convincing him he had a life still worth living. For his daughter's sake. In convincing him, I convinced myself."

"Oh Nick.."

"Blaketon didn't want me to deal with it you know. Thought I'd make it worse, except the chap wouldn't speak to anyone but me, so that was that." Nick smiled a little. "He's going to be all right, James Radcliffe said, just needs a bit of help that's all. Eileen, I'm so sorry for how I've been."

"Nick, you don't need to apologise."

"James said that - and Maggie, too." Nick saw Eileen's suprised expression. "Yes I've spoken to them. And I've cleared the air with James over the surgery too. We won't see much of James now in Aidensfield but I've promised to keep in touch."

"I'm so glad, Nick."

"Eileen - I want to be a proper Dad to her," Nick said urgently, looking down at the baby in his arms. "Will you stay here, with us and help me?"

"Of course I will." Eileen smiled. "Don't you worry, I'll soon let you know if you're not up to the mark. And so will she!"

She watched as Nick got up and went to the window with the baby. The sun was streaming through and the little house was filled with light. There probably would be more difficult days to come but for the first time since Kate had left, there were clear signs life could go on.


End file.
